I have lived under SO much stress lately that my right eyelid literally has constantly been twitching for a couple of weeks now. Also, my left eyelid just started to twitch too. My shoulders are like steel, hardened by tension and stress. I am physically feeling the burdens on me moment by moment.
And I know the cliches and platitudes that we offer to each other about laying our burdens at the feet of Christ, and they are definitely true. And don't believe for a second that I haven't been. When you live in a constant state of uncertainty, that is one thing a Christian definitely learns to do more of....pray.
But I live here, right in the middle of it, like a tribesman in a tent surrounded by lions. I might have confidence in my weapons, but you better believe my heart still races every second of the dark, cold night.
And folks, my heart is racing today.
A couple of days ago, I told Michelle that we needed to think about maybe adopting a more radical plan to get out of the mess we're in. Basically, I suggested 2 options:
- For her and the kids to move in with her mom in Nashville for a couple of months while I continued to work my new job here so that I could save up enough money to rent a place. You see, with a foreclosure on our records, we are almost certain to require first and last months rent, at least and it will take a while for me to earn that.
- To borrow her parents 5th wheel and try to find someone who will let us park on their land for a couple of months so we can save up some money to rent a place.
The second option is bad because there are 6 of us and there are many details to attend to in a small amount of time (trying to sell off a bunch of stuff, storing the rest, getting a PO Box, etc).
Now, onto today. The owner of the house sent a representative by today telling us that he is planning on selling the house. They even power washed it and were working on the yard and asked us to have it ready for a potential buyer to come and see it. So now we definitely know that our time here is very short. Something MUST open up.
On my way to work today, my car died AGAIN! It wouldn't start so I had to take our van to work. This is the 3rd time in the past couple of months something has broken.
We have a few hundred dollars to our name and the job I'm working at has only been part time this week during training. It will be full time starting next week. The first 2 weeks, I am getting paid $9/hr and then it goes up to $12/hr. And that's all the income we have right now. We might have some money from some past work show up but we are not holding our breath for it. We own nothing of value to sell either.
I am not sure we can even make it here anymore. I am considering all of us moving in with my mother in law and crowding into her house. But then I would lose the job I have and she lives about an hour away from Nashville (where most likely I would try to find work).
If anyone in the world needs wisdom right now, it is me. I absolutely have no idea what to do and the clock is now ticking.
And let me say this. This is NOT a plea for money. I write to share my desperation for prayers on behalf of my family. This will truly take a monsoon of grace. But He is able.....He ALONE is able!!!
If you have any advice, I would welcome it. If you have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ, I would welcome your prayers more.
And if you don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ, I would love to share my riches in Him with you.