After much prayer, and talking with other mature Christian leaders, we do not see that we are able to pursue going to Poland in January.
You have no idea how hard that is for me to write. In fact, it makes me very sad (understatement) to say that.
We always hear about people who "attempt great things for God" (William Carey) and how they overcome incredible odds to get to where they think they need to be (Gladys Aylward). We hear preachers talking about asking God for "something bigger than you can do on your own" so that you have no doubt that if it happens, you know that it came from God. And all of these things can be good and true. There is something to be said for seeing things through the eyes of faith.
But for every Gladys Aylward that made her way to China, there are thousands who wanted to, but did not. Were they wrong or out of God's Will? Were they walking by faith and not by sight? Did they not have the eyes of faith to get them there?
Seeing through the eyes of faith is important (Heb.11:1) However, that is not the only lens to use. We must also see things through the eyes of circumstance.
I have no problem asking God for big things. But how do I see it? What can I expect to happen? When will I receive my answer? Well, as best as I can determine, God is sovereign and in His providence He allows things to happen and can prevent things from happening. And the best and most sure way to know if something is in God's Will is to see if it's happening.
(Of course there are different ways we think of the will of God. Here, I am speaking of His decretive/sovereign will. This is a good link to read regarding the different wills of God: http://www.monergism.com/thethreshold/articles/onsite/wills_sproul.html)
I can't know it's God's Will in this sense, until it happens because "the secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever."
I can pray for a million bucks to fall on my head right now believing it with my eyes of faith. But when nothing falls down, I must interpret that as my answer. I must see the circumstances around me to see what God is actually doing. I cannot force my plans to happen for "His ways are higher than my ways". And He "knows the plans HE has for me" and He tells me to "lean NOT on my own understanding".
So if I ask Him for $15,000 to go and it's not there, then I don't go. What if that IS how He is answering me? Maybe it's a "no", maybe it's a "not yet". Either way, it clearly is not there. So do I lament my lack of faith? Or, do I see things through the eyes of circumstance? Do I look at what is actually happening and say, "if He wanted me to go, it would have happened". So the answer to me going right now is definitely a "no".
Now as sad as that makes me, my challenge is to move forward from here and see His "No" as good and right. I can trust God because He is the Alpha and the Omega. I can trust His vision for my life. I can rest in knowing that Jesus Christ loves me and will use me however He wishes. It might be painful, uncomfortable, confusing, or even contradictory to what I think I should be doing, but I know that it is right because "He is the light and in Him there is no darkness".
We can see both the unseen (faith) and the seen (circumstance) and know that God is sovereign over them both. He teaches us to trust and He teaches us to submit. So in pursuing Poland for January, I submit. I submit to a kind and benevolent God who seeks my good and His glory.
Again, the money simply isn't there. And that is not to guilt anyone. That is to praise God for making it clear.
Does this mean I will never ask for big things again. C'mon, you know me better than that! God is still able!
He is able to do His holy will. Nothing can stop Him! I am stoppable, He is unstoppable! And when He stops me from something it IS part of His unstoppable plan to bring glory to Himself.
I love Jesus! I will continue to pray for Poland. If you pledged anything and still want to use it for the furtherance of the Gospel in Poland, I urge you to let me know. There are many brothers and sisters I know who are there doing the work of sharing the Gospel and they would surely use these funds for the glory of God in reaching the Polish people.
As for me, I am here. Through the eyes of faith, I want to see the circumstances around me as opportunities to glorify Jesus in all that I do. And I will do what I know to do from God's preceptive will, because in His Will of Disposition, He desires that all men be saved. Even in Gallatin, TN.
I love you guys and thank you so much for your support and willingness to pray for me and my family. Praise God for the right answer!
(If my thinking on this is incorrect, I pray that it would not influence you in any way and that the Lord would give you sweet forgetfulness.)
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Sending the Richardsons to Poland
Isaiah 6:8, "And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?' Then I said, 'Here I am! Send me."
"Christ wants not nibblers of the possible, but grabbers of the impossible." — C.T. Studd
Let's get this out of the way first and I'll come back to it soon...I am going to ask you to financially and/or prayerfully support us so that we can go to Poland and share the Gospel. There...nothing like broken china around my hooves!
38 million people are trapped under a boulder and I want to move it. Must be a HUGE boulder! Although my rippling biceps might fool you, the problem is that I can't move it. And no matter how many of you I get to help me lift, that boulder still won't budge. So what are we to do about this?
You see, I used to be underneath a HUGE boulder myself. Truth be told, I was born under it. It didn't take long for me to get used to it either. After a while, I even enjoyed being there. Sick, huh? I didn't know anything existed anywhere else because my whole world was under that rock with me.
One day, someone was standing on top of the boulder and told me that I was being crushed to death. I examined what she said, looked at my surroundings, and realized she was right. I begged for help for someone to move the boulder. But instead of the boulder moving, my prayer was answered in a different way. Someone gave that lady a shovel. She dug a hole around me and pulled me out. I was weak, so she had to teach me how to strengthen my legs. And when I began to walk, she was gone. But the boulder remained.
Today, I stand on a boulder with 38 million people under it. I want to start digging but I must wait for a shovel because the ground around these people is so hard I cannot possibly dig with my hands. I, myself, bear the scars of living under a boulder on my own back so I know what it's like to finally be free from it's constraints.
You would think there's only one boulder trapping people. Truth be told, there are many all over this world. A couple of them even have a billion people underneath them! So why am I at this boulder?
Well, when I look at all of the other boulders, I see many people digging around them. There's a LOT of digging to do! Enough to last a lifetime! But this boulder I'm on only has a handful of weary diggers. So that's where I want to go.
Of course I'm talking about Poland. I have wanted to go there for years now on a longer term basis (I've been 3 times for a couple of weeks at a time). Finally I applied for a job with Worldwide Tentmakers after providentially meeting David Nunnery at a Teach Them Diligently homeschool conference where he told me of a work they were starting in Poland a couple of years ago (David leads this mission and also helped start the conference).
After not hearing back for many weeks, I actually said this to Michelle, "I really think it's not going to happen, so I need to just move on." The next week, I find out that David wants me and my family to serve at a preschool teaching English to children and their parents using the Bible and sharing the Gospel. Catch is, this position is needing to be filled for the start of January.
And I just want to be as wide open and transparent as I possibly can so that you (the Body of Christ) can advise me, share Scriptures with me, encourage me, rebuke me if needs be, and most of all to pray for me. The shovels that my family wants to dig with can only come from God. But the means God uses might be you.
Here are some facts for you to consider (and I can and will provide more info to anyone who's interested):
Here is a rudimentary budget we came up with (these are our best guesses as of today based off of conversations with 3 American missionary families we know who are currently in Poland):
Up front money needed:
Monthly needed:
So as you can see, we are trying to grab the impossible.
I always have heard to ask God for big things, that He is able. I tremble even writing this. Everything in me wants to do this myself. But the goal is just too big for me to tackle on my own. I need the rest of the Body. If God wants us to go now, He is perfectly able to make the way for us. But He uses means to accomplish His will, one of which is the Church.
It would not just be my sacrifice, but it would be yours as well. One thing I know, my life seems to have led me to this point: moving around, acquiring few possessions, training at seminary. We have handed out tracts and preached on the streets (even the kids).
“Do you not say, ‘There are yet four months, and then comes the harvest’? Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes; and look on the fields, that they are white for harvest” (John 4:35).
"If the Christian is truly obedient to the Great Commission, he will give his life to go down into the mine or to hold the rope for those who go down (William Carey). Either way, the rope will be burned into his hands. The depth of the scars will demonstrate or prove the extent of the obedience. Have you surrendered your life to go to the lost peoples of the world, or have you surrendered your life to support those who go? What has the Great Commission cost you? Where are your scars?" (From Paul Washer's HeartCry Missionary Society's website)
We are supposed to go down and dig people out from underneath this boulder. But we need some shovels. Please reply to this message if you will commit to either give or pray for us, both are needed. And please let us know if you can give, what the Lord is leading you to do.
Also, please pass this on to anyone you know who might be interested in partnering with us.
Thanks for your time in reading such a long post. And thank you for your prayers.
Biting off more than I can chew for the glory of God,
Jay Richardson
"Christ wants not nibblers of the possible, but grabbers of the impossible." — C.T. Studd
Let's get this out of the way first and I'll come back to it soon...I am going to ask you to financially and/or prayerfully support us so that we can go to Poland and share the Gospel. There...nothing like broken china around my hooves!
38 million people are trapped under a boulder and I want to move it. Must be a HUGE boulder! Although my rippling biceps might fool you, the problem is that I can't move it. And no matter how many of you I get to help me lift, that boulder still won't budge. So what are we to do about this?
You see, I used to be underneath a HUGE boulder myself. Truth be told, I was born under it. It didn't take long for me to get used to it either. After a while, I even enjoyed being there. Sick, huh? I didn't know anything existed anywhere else because my whole world was under that rock with me.
One day, someone was standing on top of the boulder and told me that I was being crushed to death. I examined what she said, looked at my surroundings, and realized she was right. I begged for help for someone to move the boulder. But instead of the boulder moving, my prayer was answered in a different way. Someone gave that lady a shovel. She dug a hole around me and pulled me out. I was weak, so she had to teach me how to strengthen my legs. And when I began to walk, she was gone. But the boulder remained.
Today, I stand on a boulder with 38 million people under it. I want to start digging but I must wait for a shovel because the ground around these people is so hard I cannot possibly dig with my hands. I, myself, bear the scars of living under a boulder on my own back so I know what it's like to finally be free from it's constraints.
You would think there's only one boulder trapping people. Truth be told, there are many all over this world. A couple of them even have a billion people underneath them! So why am I at this boulder?
Well, when I look at all of the other boulders, I see many people digging around them. There's a LOT of digging to do! Enough to last a lifetime! But this boulder I'm on only has a handful of weary diggers. So that's where I want to go.
Of course I'm talking about Poland. I have wanted to go there for years now on a longer term basis (I've been 3 times for a couple of weeks at a time). Finally I applied for a job with Worldwide Tentmakers after providentially meeting David Nunnery at a Teach Them Diligently homeschool conference where he told me of a work they were starting in Poland a couple of years ago (David leads this mission and also helped start the conference).
After not hearing back for many weeks, I actually said this to Michelle, "I really think it's not going to happen, so I need to just move on." The next week, I find out that David wants me and my family to serve at a preschool teaching English to children and their parents using the Bible and sharing the Gospel. Catch is, this position is needing to be filled for the start of January.
And I just want to be as wide open and transparent as I possibly can so that you (the Body of Christ) can advise me, share Scriptures with me, encourage me, rebuke me if needs be, and most of all to pray for me. The shovels that my family wants to dig with can only come from God. But the means God uses might be you.
Here are some facts for you to consider (and I can and will provide more info to anyone who's interested):
- There are 7 of us who would go.
- This is initially for 12-18 months. I hope it can turn into something more permanent, but this is the initial agreement.
- We are willing to sell whatever we have. Sadly, our total assets might buy us a couple of plane tickets.
- We are all in perfect agreement about wanting to serve in this way.
- Our current church is very supportive (yet small), and we would place ourselves underneath their leadership.
- I would be paid $500/month through the school.
- I'm meeting with David on Monday, Nov.18th in Knoxville to pray and to hash out more details.
Here is a rudimentary budget we came up with (these are our best guesses as of today based off of conversations with 3 American missionary families we know who are currently in Poland):
Up front money needed:
- Passports (for 6 of the family)=$660
- Visas (within a few months time)=$1050
- Translation of birth certificates=$200
- Plane tickets=$7000
- Furniture (depending on if an apt we find has any furnishings)=$2500 (mainly beds,mattresses, dressers)
- Winter clothes for everybody=$2000 (this might be a little high, but since we would spend a lot of time outside and walking in below-freezing temps, we want to make sure everyone has enough clothes)
- Washing Machine (we understand that some apts come with this and that almost all Polish people don't have dryers)=$300
- First/Last month rent (we have no idea how much it would be to rent a place in Jaworzno, Poland and could use a lot of help in this area, but this is based off of rent for an 800sq ft, 3 br apt in Krakow)=$2200
Monthly needed:
- Rent=$1100 (again, this is only based off of what our friends with 2 kids paid in Krakow and Gdansk). We are not having much success looking online for places in Jaworzno.
- Utilities=$400
- Food=$800
- Insurance=$370 (Samaritans Ministries insures overseas missionaries. This is their family rate)
- Transportation=$120 (monthly bus passes for everyone)
So as you can see, we are trying to grab the impossible.
I always have heard to ask God for big things, that He is able. I tremble even writing this. Everything in me wants to do this myself. But the goal is just too big for me to tackle on my own. I need the rest of the Body. If God wants us to go now, He is perfectly able to make the way for us. But He uses means to accomplish His will, one of which is the Church.
It would not just be my sacrifice, but it would be yours as well. One thing I know, my life seems to have led me to this point: moving around, acquiring few possessions, training at seminary. We have handed out tracts and preached on the streets (even the kids).
“Do you not say, ‘There are yet four months, and then comes the harvest’? Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes; and look on the fields, that they are white for harvest” (John 4:35).
"If the Christian is truly obedient to the Great Commission, he will give his life to go down into the mine or to hold the rope for those who go down (William Carey). Either way, the rope will be burned into his hands. The depth of the scars will demonstrate or prove the extent of the obedience. Have you surrendered your life to go to the lost peoples of the world, or have you surrendered your life to support those who go? What has the Great Commission cost you? Where are your scars?" (From Paul Washer's HeartCry Missionary Society's website)
We are supposed to go down and dig people out from underneath this boulder. But we need some shovels. Please reply to this message if you will commit to either give or pray for us, both are needed. And please let us know if you can give, what the Lord is leading you to do.
Also, please pass this on to anyone you know who might be interested in partnering with us.
Thanks for your time in reading such a long post. And thank you for your prayers.
Biting off more than I can chew for the glory of God,
Jay Richardson
Monday, November 11, 2013
Here we are, send us!!!
Be looking for my first post tomorrow describing what we are asking the Lord for so that we can get to Poland and share the gospel.
Monday, August 26, 2013
5 minutes of desperation
In 5 short minutes the Richardson's went from a calm and happy family to the most desperate and frightened family at the Wilson County Fair.
It all started about 4 or so years ago at the Florida State Fair. On that day, Michelle and I were walking along with Rebekah, Ben, and Hannah looking around at all of the sights, sounds, and people. I wrongly assumed that Michelle was pushing Hannah in the stroller and she wrongly assumed that I was holding her hand. In one instant, Hannah (then about 2) had completely vanished. We took off in each direction running through a mass of people who were walking in every direction. In about 60 seconds, I spotted her standing alone inside of an exhibit. 60 seconds is a long time to live in regret and hopelessness!
Now fast forward to Saturday. And let me set the stage to demonstrate how easily complacency can kick in. Walking into the fair (and if you've never been to the Wilson County Fair, let me just say it is HUGE, maybe as big as the Florida State Fair!) we were all aware of our previous incident in losing Hannah. So much so, that we made a point to verbally remind one another to stay together and especially to keep an eye on Hannah.
For some reason, Hannah is our dawdler. She likes to walk slow and she likes to walk directly behind me, thereby escaping my peripheral vision. And since I usually bring up the back of the pack, I'm always reminding her to stay with us. In fact, because of this tendency, I find myself saying multiple times a day, "Where's Hannah?" And as I say this, I usually do a quick 360 spin to make sure she is with us.
Walking into the fair, we knew this, we prepared for this, we experienced this as I did a few 360 spins throughout the day.
But complacency doesn't take long to kick in. You know it too. Things can sneak up on you, even when you think you're prepared for it. Tax day, important meetings, balloon payments, work deadlines, even death. We all assume we're always ready for anything. Are you?
To further show you how easy it is to be lulled into complacency, even if for just a few seconds, we went to a vendor to buy some sweet tea. She said these actual words to us, "How many kids do you have? You look so calm and peaceful. I don't know how you do it." While deflecting this praise because deep down we know the whole truth, still something probably stroked my ego a little and I could imagine myself quoting this lady and putting it on my Facebook status for the world to see.
And why not? After all, we just walked by another family whose kids were fighting and running wild, we walked by older women who were scantily clad thinking that they could recapture their youth, we walked by a vendor who was selling thong underwear with the rebel flag on it, and we walked by numerous people with evil things printed on their clothes and skin. If that's my competition, then you better believe we're doing a great job! But that's not my measure, is it?
At one point, I saw another dad with his kid on a leash who would barely unhook his kid so that he could ride the little race cars around in circles. Somewhere deep inside I smirked and arrogantly dismissed him as a rookie.
So there you see, the scene was set for complacency. I was doing my job. I was aware and made my whole family aware to keep an eye on Hannah. Others were noticing our orderliness and calm. Compared to others around me, I was on my toes. And everything was set up just right......for God to demonstrate that He alone is our Rock!
Now onto the incident: We all get hungry and stop to eat pizza. After eating, we get up to walk towards another less ADHD part of the fair. We've got 2 kids in the stroller, 2 big kids in the front with mom, and me in the back with Hannah. We walk along the path for about 5 minutes and I notice that Hannah is not in my periphery so I do my 360 move with a quick, "Where's Hannah?" I had already done this many times this day, but this time as everyone turned around to verify that Hannah was right behind me, all of our faces dropped when she was nowhere to be found.
First thought....Is this real? 2 seconds later....Surely she's just a few steps away from us. 10 seconds later.....You know there are a lot of people here heading in different directions and it would not take long for an adult to get lost, let alone a 6 yr old. I tell Michelle to wait and take off retracing my route, slightly panicked but somewhat confident that she will be within eye or earshot of this route. I make it all the way back to the table we ate at and ....NO HANNAH!!!
Now I'm completely scared, paranoid, helpless, frantic, and unsure of what to do. I run back to Michelle and she's fully expecting me to have Hannah, but when I return without her, I see her motherly eyes well up with tears and panic. Michelle takes off to look in one direction and I go the other, leaving the big kids in a central spot. All I could think to do was to alert every fair worker there that my daughter is missing.
Only they don't seem to grasp my sense of urgency. They ask me all kinds of questions that I don't know, like what was she wearing. Thankfully, my son remembers every detail (he has been blessed with a great memory). So a few of them start off to look and I again go a different direction.
Now I'm thinking, "no kid can get that lost THAT fast. If she wandered away, she wouldn't go THAT far. She might have been taken!" I could never forgive myself if that were the case.
Then, I start to yell Hannah's name everywhere I run. I am cognizant of people looking at me knowing that they know that I've lost my child. And I am somewhat resentful that they are not jumping up to help, but are rather content to watch me panic as they eat their fried food on a stick. It's almost like I'm part of the entertainment.
And the biggest regret I have and the thing I wonder most, even to this moment is, WHY DIDN'T I YELL AT THE VERY TOP OF MY LUNGS!!! I mean, really! If there ever was a time to throw caution to the wind and belt it out, it was now. And yet, I didn't. I ran and yelled for her, but not as I should have. I am completely ashamed that my voice didn't turn every single head there!
Finally, I see a woman on a cart having a conversation with another man. And I unapologetically interrupt them and ask her to drive me around so that I can look for my daughter faster. As we start to go, I see one of the workers walking towards my big kids with the sweetest little sad package I ever received. It was Hannah, with her fingers in her mouth and tears streaming down her face! My baby! Soon, her mom finds us and we cover her with kisses and hugs.
The people around us are still watching the show, sitting on benches and eating their fried oreos, watching as if we were a sitcom that just wrapped up with a happy ending. And I was resentful at their complacency. And I was angry at my complacency. Why didn't I yell louder?!!!! I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. That question still haunts me.
Complacency can take many forms and it doesn't take long to anesthetize you. You assume everything is fine and will stay fine. You assume you can control everything. You assume you don't really need God. Oh yes, He is a fine accessory to bring with you, but I only will bring him into my family whenever something drastic happens.
Well, you know what? There's an attribute of His I desired at that moment...Omnipresence. I wanted to be everywhere and see everything, yet I couldn't. I was helpless. But He never is! I am grateful that my kind and loving omnipresent Father watched this whole thing and chose to bring her back to me. I am grateful that a stranger at the fair saw a crying little girl and asked her if she was ok. And that he led her to one of the workers. And the worker brought her back to me. But this was not all a coincidence. It was orchestrated! And what did the Conductor teach me through this scary and melancholy song?
It all started about 4 or so years ago at the Florida State Fair. On that day, Michelle and I were walking along with Rebekah, Ben, and Hannah looking around at all of the sights, sounds, and people. I wrongly assumed that Michelle was pushing Hannah in the stroller and she wrongly assumed that I was holding her hand. In one instant, Hannah (then about 2) had completely vanished. We took off in each direction running through a mass of people who were walking in every direction. In about 60 seconds, I spotted her standing alone inside of an exhibit. 60 seconds is a long time to live in regret and hopelessness!
Now fast forward to Saturday. And let me set the stage to demonstrate how easily complacency can kick in. Walking into the fair (and if you've never been to the Wilson County Fair, let me just say it is HUGE, maybe as big as the Florida State Fair!) we were all aware of our previous incident in losing Hannah. So much so, that we made a point to verbally remind one another to stay together and especially to keep an eye on Hannah.
For some reason, Hannah is our dawdler. She likes to walk slow and she likes to walk directly behind me, thereby escaping my peripheral vision. And since I usually bring up the back of the pack, I'm always reminding her to stay with us. In fact, because of this tendency, I find myself saying multiple times a day, "Where's Hannah?" And as I say this, I usually do a quick 360 spin to make sure she is with us.
Walking into the fair, we knew this, we prepared for this, we experienced this as I did a few 360 spins throughout the day.
But complacency doesn't take long to kick in. You know it too. Things can sneak up on you, even when you think you're prepared for it. Tax day, important meetings, balloon payments, work deadlines, even death. We all assume we're always ready for anything. Are you?
To further show you how easy it is to be lulled into complacency, even if for just a few seconds, we went to a vendor to buy some sweet tea. She said these actual words to us, "How many kids do you have? You look so calm and peaceful. I don't know how you do it." While deflecting this praise because deep down we know the whole truth, still something probably stroked my ego a little and I could imagine myself quoting this lady and putting it on my Facebook status for the world to see.
And why not? After all, we just walked by another family whose kids were fighting and running wild, we walked by older women who were scantily clad thinking that they could recapture their youth, we walked by a vendor who was selling thong underwear with the rebel flag on it, and we walked by numerous people with evil things printed on their clothes and skin. If that's my competition, then you better believe we're doing a great job! But that's not my measure, is it?
At one point, I saw another dad with his kid on a leash who would barely unhook his kid so that he could ride the little race cars around in circles. Somewhere deep inside I smirked and arrogantly dismissed him as a rookie.
So there you see, the scene was set for complacency. I was doing my job. I was aware and made my whole family aware to keep an eye on Hannah. Others were noticing our orderliness and calm. Compared to others around me, I was on my toes. And everything was set up just right......for God to demonstrate that He alone is our Rock!
Now onto the incident: We all get hungry and stop to eat pizza. After eating, we get up to walk towards another less ADHD part of the fair. We've got 2 kids in the stroller, 2 big kids in the front with mom, and me in the back with Hannah. We walk along the path for about 5 minutes and I notice that Hannah is not in my periphery so I do my 360 move with a quick, "Where's Hannah?" I had already done this many times this day, but this time as everyone turned around to verify that Hannah was right behind me, all of our faces dropped when she was nowhere to be found.
First thought....Is this real? 2 seconds later....Surely she's just a few steps away from us. 10 seconds later.....You know there are a lot of people here heading in different directions and it would not take long for an adult to get lost, let alone a 6 yr old. I tell Michelle to wait and take off retracing my route, slightly panicked but somewhat confident that she will be within eye or earshot of this route. I make it all the way back to the table we ate at and ....NO HANNAH!!!
Now I'm completely scared, paranoid, helpless, frantic, and unsure of what to do. I run back to Michelle and she's fully expecting me to have Hannah, but when I return without her, I see her motherly eyes well up with tears and panic. Michelle takes off to look in one direction and I go the other, leaving the big kids in a central spot. All I could think to do was to alert every fair worker there that my daughter is missing.
Only they don't seem to grasp my sense of urgency. They ask me all kinds of questions that I don't know, like what was she wearing. Thankfully, my son remembers every detail (he has been blessed with a great memory). So a few of them start off to look and I again go a different direction.
Now I'm thinking, "no kid can get that lost THAT fast. If she wandered away, she wouldn't go THAT far. She might have been taken!" I could never forgive myself if that were the case.
Then, I start to yell Hannah's name everywhere I run. I am cognizant of people looking at me knowing that they know that I've lost my child. And I am somewhat resentful that they are not jumping up to help, but are rather content to watch me panic as they eat their fried food on a stick. It's almost like I'm part of the entertainment.
And the biggest regret I have and the thing I wonder most, even to this moment is, WHY DIDN'T I YELL AT THE VERY TOP OF MY LUNGS!!! I mean, really! If there ever was a time to throw caution to the wind and belt it out, it was now. And yet, I didn't. I ran and yelled for her, but not as I should have. I am completely ashamed that my voice didn't turn every single head there!
Finally, I see a woman on a cart having a conversation with another man. And I unapologetically interrupt them and ask her to drive me around so that I can look for my daughter faster. As we start to go, I see one of the workers walking towards my big kids with the sweetest little sad package I ever received. It was Hannah, with her fingers in her mouth and tears streaming down her face! My baby! Soon, her mom finds us and we cover her with kisses and hugs.
The people around us are still watching the show, sitting on benches and eating their fried oreos, watching as if we were a sitcom that just wrapped up with a happy ending. And I was resentful at their complacency. And I was angry at my complacency. Why didn't I yell louder?!!!! I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. That question still haunts me.
Complacency can take many forms and it doesn't take long to anesthetize you. You assume everything is fine and will stay fine. You assume you can control everything. You assume you don't really need God. Oh yes, He is a fine accessory to bring with you, but I only will bring him into my family whenever something drastic happens.
Well, you know what? There's an attribute of His I desired at that moment...Omnipresence. I wanted to be everywhere and see everything, yet I couldn't. I was helpless. But He never is! I am grateful that my kind and loving omnipresent Father watched this whole thing and chose to bring her back to me. I am grateful that a stranger at the fair saw a crying little girl and asked her if she was ok. And that he led her to one of the workers. And the worker brought her back to me. But this was not all a coincidence. It was orchestrated! And what did the Conductor teach me through this scary and melancholy song?
- That He is good. He can be trusted to do what's right with my daughter, even if I'm not there.
- That He is able. He never panicked. He knew exactly where Hannah was and exactly how long to keep her away from me so that I would cling to Him as my kind and loving Father even tighter.
- That He seeks. Remember the prodigal son? The father in that parable represents how God seeks us when we're lost and how He runs towards us to embrace us. I relate to that love more now. God says that "while we were sinners, Christ died for us". Not only does He run towards us in love, but He pursues us even while we don't acknowledge that we've wandered away. We stray farther and farther from Him and God pursues and seeks and saves that which was lost. Hannah's tears alerted a stranger that she knew she needed help. In much the same way, our tears of repentance flow and they agree with God (confess) that we too need to be saved.
- Give it all to God....YELL!!!!! This was a lesson of discipline for me. I should have yelled louder. God brought her back anyway and wasn't dependent on my volume. But in reflection, He continues to show me that the times we live in are perilous. And people are walking around this earth with a death sentence. They will die today. They will die tomorrow. They are near me and you every day. YELL!!!!!! Yell as if their life depended on it...it does! They need to hear the Gospel call. They need to be awakened from their slumber. They need something to counteract the anesthesia of sin. They need to break with the law! They need God to grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth. Then they need to see the lights of the Gospel leading them out of their darkness and into the glorious light! YELL!!!!! YELL!!!! YELL!!!!!! Precious seconds are ticking away!!!!!
And when this life is over, and your voice is hoarse, and you are spent from running to and fro seeking the lost. He will say, "Well done my good and faithful servant. Come and enter your rest. You will never....CAN never be lost again!"
Thank you God for my Hannah! Thank you God for my Jesus! Kill my complacency more every day!
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Reflections on my 24th home
Counting it up in my head, I have moved 23 times (tomorrow will be number 24), in 9 different states during the course of my 38 years of life. That averages to roughly one move every 1.65 years, a new state every 4.22 years. No, I am not a military brat either (although my dad was in the Navy, however, he got out before my first move).
You would think that leaving things behind gets easier. In a way it does and in a way it doesn't. It never feels good to leave the familiar. Things are always left behind and memories flood through your mind of times you have had in places you have lived.
But in the same way, the exact same byproducts are a gift.
Leaving the familiar prepares you to arrive at the new and breathtakingly fascinating. The things that are left behind no longer entangle you (Hebrews 12:1). Leaving furniture on the side of the road or watching your possessions carted away for nothing relieves me of the burden of constantly carrying extra weight around. This can be a reminder that the sin that once pervaded every facet of my being is gone too! The chains of sin have fallen off of me because Jesus Christ put them on Himself to pay for my transgressions. And like Christian in John Bunyan's Pilgrims Progress, when the burden comes off of my back, I find true freedom and joy.
And with each new place I've lived has come a certain excitement to explore my new surroundings for treasures I have never seen. Oh, but there IS a pearl of great price (Mt 13:46) I would sell everything to be near. Psalm 27:4 says, "One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple." His beauty will fulfill me for an eternity!
And the memories that flood through your mind, as beautiful as they may be, are but a shadow of the everlasting joy that awaits us. As I get older, my memories fade and I don't remember the details as I desire to relive wonderful times in my mind. But those fleeting moments of happiness in life point to a time when true joy will never cease. I will not long for a better time, past or future. Every moment with Jesus in heaven IS a better time! 1 Cor 2:9, "But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”.
Moving only reinforces God's Word that says this is not my home. Philippians 3:20 says, "But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ".
So tomorrow as we again stick our lives in a truck and drive to another box to park at, I will rejoice that my temporary dwelling points me to my eternal home with my Savior.
Now stop reading this and help me grab that couch, will ya?!!!!
You would think that leaving things behind gets easier. In a way it does and in a way it doesn't. It never feels good to leave the familiar. Things are always left behind and memories flood through your mind of times you have had in places you have lived.
But in the same way, the exact same byproducts are a gift.
Leaving the familiar prepares you to arrive at the new and breathtakingly fascinating. The things that are left behind no longer entangle you (Hebrews 12:1). Leaving furniture on the side of the road or watching your possessions carted away for nothing relieves me of the burden of constantly carrying extra weight around. This can be a reminder that the sin that once pervaded every facet of my being is gone too! The chains of sin have fallen off of me because Jesus Christ put them on Himself to pay for my transgressions. And like Christian in John Bunyan's Pilgrims Progress, when the burden comes off of my back, I find true freedom and joy.
And with each new place I've lived has come a certain excitement to explore my new surroundings for treasures I have never seen. Oh, but there IS a pearl of great price (Mt 13:46) I would sell everything to be near. Psalm 27:4 says, "One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple." His beauty will fulfill me for an eternity!
C.S. Lewis once said, "If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." All of my desires in this world are fleeting and ultimately unsatisfying. But to be with Jesus, dwelling in His house, will keep me enthralled for an eternity. There will be no such word as "wander", for there is nothing more satisfying to wander to.
And the memories that flood through your mind, as beautiful as they may be, are but a shadow of the everlasting joy that awaits us. As I get older, my memories fade and I don't remember the details as I desire to relive wonderful times in my mind. But those fleeting moments of happiness in life point to a time when true joy will never cease. I will not long for a better time, past or future. Every moment with Jesus in heaven IS a better time! 1 Cor 2:9, "But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”.
Moving only reinforces God's Word that says this is not my home. Philippians 3:20 says, "But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ".
So tomorrow as we again stick our lives in a truck and drive to another box to park at, I will rejoice that my temporary dwelling points me to my eternal home with my Savior.
Now stop reading this and help me grab that couch, will ya?!!!!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Quick thought on anonymous gifts
There is a special beauty of an anonymous gift that the giver(s) themselves are probably unaware of, and it is this.....
The receiver of the gift has no choice but to praise God alone for the gift!!!!
Thank you to my anonymous friend for pointing me to the Solas.
Soli Deo Gloria
The receiver of the gift has no choice but to praise God alone for the gift!!!!
Thank you to my anonymous friend for pointing me to the Solas.
Soli Deo Gloria
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Captain Neat-O Man must die!!!!
Captain Neat-O Man will never die!!!
You wouldn't know it to look at the distinguished gentleman I am now, but a little over a decade ago, on a beautiful fall night, you could have wandered into the Trahern building at Austin Peay State University and found me dressed up as a superhero, tights and all (think Jack Black in Nacho Libre), as I acted in a one-act play called Captain Neat-O man. I'll never live it down.
While I was quite the thespian in college, also acting in Our Town and Noises Off, this was my starring role. These were one-act plays written by budding playwrights at the university who needed actors to make the pages come to life. And I was ready to pour my heart into that beautiful spotlight as it shined all over me. [Side note to future thespians (especially the broke college ones)....When appearing in a high-energy, slapstick type of play, it is best not to sell your plasma shortly before the production. I repeat.....you NEED your plasma!!!]
Well, despite my somewhat spasmodic and slightly wobbly performance, the play went off fine. The only problem was there was less of an audience for it than my other plays. And while I starred in Captain Neat-O Man, I enjoyed being in Our Town and Noises Off much more. Turns out the spotlight wasn't as fulfilling as I thought it would be.
Oftentimes, you may hear the phrase "there are no small parts, only small actors". I found this to be very true. It is the story that people come to see at the theatre (that's THEEEEE ATE ER to my southern friends), not actors. People want to be momentarily detached from their own lives and swallowed up by the action on the stage. And the actor's job is to help make the play an inviting place for an audience member's heart and mind to vacation for a couple of hours.
For this to happen effectively, the story must be bigger than the actors. And for that to happen, the actor's ego must die. (Imagine a play where everyone who has a part tries to make theirs the biggest scene-stealer. It would be a disaster!!! You know, like every episode of Hee Haw EVER!!!)
The death of the actor's ego is the life of the story.
In much the same way, I am watching God do this in my real, non-tights wearing, life. But in this case, it is not so much the story that deserves the spotlight, as the Storyteller.
This is the truth I'm seeing unfold right before my eyes. This is the money phrase that echoes in my heart.......Moving down in the world helps me to worship God who raises me up in Christ.
You see, I've got a LOT of ego to kill. I've got a lot of craving for the spotlight. I love to hear the applause. I love to soak in the adulation. Tell me how good I am and I will listen to you for hours, baby!!!
Me, me, me, me. But enough about me, what do YOU think of ME? Whoooo Boy, I can listen to me all day long.
It feeds old Jay and gives him strength. But new creation, raised with Christ Jay is part of a different plot line than old Jay. Old Jay lived to jump around in spandex and hear 200 people in the audience clap for him. New Jay lives just for One (1 Cor 10:31). In fact, from Him and through Him and to Him is new Jay's story line. New Jay is consumed by the story that the Storyteller is telling about the most beautiful thing a person can even fathom, God Himself.
And new Jay wants everyone else to see the beauty of God. But it's hard to focus one spotlight on 2 things. Either it points at me or it points at Jesus. And when it points at Jesus, I find myself STILL wanting to jump in it and get some praise for myself.
So knowing this about me, God has shown me the rightness and goodness of moving down in the world.
This week, we are moving out of our $1000/month rental house on the river to a $575/month overgrown refrigerator of a mobile home in a trailer park out in the middle of nowhere. To accomplish the task of squeezing 7 humans in a space the size of a couple of parking spots, we have been forced to sell much of our belongings. Hearts have been broken as precious theology books, "Lost" DVD's, beloved microwave stands, and Elvis dolls have slipped through our fingers for the same amount of money as one would spend on a date at Taco Bell. (And that's not to mention the near escape of a cherished scooter friend of a 5 year old girl as big sister stepped in at the last minute to stop grandma from exiling the Barbie scooter to the lands of the north.)
OK, why did I write the previous paragraph? To evoke sympathy? To receive compliments for my descriptive phraseology? To get someone to buy me a house? The answer is.....maybe! See? That's how easy it is to try to put the spotlight back on yourself. Every moment is a battle to make less of me and more of God.
But I digress, the point is that the Lord is graciously showing us the pull of the created on our hearts rather than the role of the created to point to the Creator.
Romans 1:25 says, "they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever!"
You ever hear the old story of how African tribesmen catch monkeys? Supposedly, they hollow out one end of a coconut ,just big enough for a monkey's hand to squeeze through, tie it to a string and put some peanuts inside of it. When the monkey sticks its hand in, it grabs the peanuts but cannot pull its hand back out because it is now in the shape of a fist and is too big to slide back through the opening. The natives then pull the monkey towards them and whacks it on the head for some nice Indiana Jones style Monkey Brain soup.
But the ironic part of the story is that all the monkey has to do is let the peanuts go to escape. It is too greedy and selfish to let go and dies in its pursuit of the peanuts.
(Obvious Sermon Illustration Alert!!!) This is the pull that created things have on us. They become an end in themselves. You see, I hurt when I have to move down in size and quality of my housing. I hurt when things I previously treasured are picked away by the circling Garage Sale Buzzards. I hurt when I go from being a distinguished preacher who is constantly in the limelight, to a nobody telemarketer who gets cussed out every third call.
But my question is.....Is this pain wrong? Maybe not.
Not that stuff, or good jobs, or nice housing is wrong in and of itself. But when it becomes pursued, pampered, and idolized (AHHHHHH, you thought I was going old school Southern Baptist preacher, 3-point alliteration on you, didn't you? Admit it!!), it is used to serve you instead of letting it serve or cause praise to come to the One who gave it to you.
And maybe letting go of it (even with my claw marks on it as I fought to keep it) is God's way of reorienting me to His story. Maybe he's taking me back to the times when I acted in plays where the beauty of the story, like Our Town, was more important than the fleeting applause for playing an idiot superhero who lived with his mom.
So as I signed the contract to rent our overgrown sideways refrigerator, I felt something unexpected. And upon talking to Michelle, she felt the same thing. Relief!
Relief from the burden of keeping up with a high rent when I don't make a lot of money.
Relief from even the attempt to keep up with the Jones' (no offense Kayla). Because we couldn't even if we tried.
Relief from the amount of stuff which we have constantly dragged with us from house to house.
But most importantly, relief from placing ourselves in the spotlight.
It gets hot under those lights you know. And it greatly impairs your vision. You can't see anything or anyone else in the crowd. It's all about you and you know it. And no one can live under the spotlight for too long without missing a line, tripping over a prop, or sweating profusely as people watch your every move.
We weren't created to withstand this constant spotlight. We mess up. We fail. We sin.
But there is One who is made for the spotlight. Jesus Christ, the Godman, lived a perfect, sinless life so that as we repent of our sins and place our absolute trust in Him, we can rest from the glare that was never intended for us. My favorite verse says it best. 2 Cor 5:21, "He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him."
In Him is better than in the spotlight any day of the week. I am safer there. I am covered there. I am strengthened there. I am saved there.
In me without Him, my path will only lead to ruin. Oh, but in Him there is peace with God. And that is the story He wants me to tell.
So he moves me down. And as He does, He lifts my eyes up to the all satisfying crucified and resurrected Savior. My Hero, My God, My King.
As He lowers me and empties me of my pride, He raises me and fills me with His Spirit. Instead of the disgusting muck of sin inside, I find pristine holiness and constant comfort from the Holy Spirit, my guarantee of a future inheritance which will dwarf my collection of Lost DVD's, Elvis dolls, and even theology books.
He moves me down in house to raise me up in mansions.
He moves me down in pride to fill me up with awe.
He moves me down in resources to capture my attention as He alone provides my manna.
Moving down is not bad, friends. In fact, it is the way up.
You die to raise up. Unless Jesus returns before your death, you will slowly recede back to the dust as your once strong and upright body becomes more and more crooked until it lays on its death bed. Every day you get closer to the ground. But those in Christ see it as getting closer to Him.
John 12:24 says, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit."
Dying to yourself is necessary to become born again.
Even the posture of prayer is a beautiful example of moving down and away from the spotlight so that God alone shines.
Just think of going to a play and the spotlight guy puts his beam on the janitor in the corner while the play is going on. You would be outraged! Why? Because you would be missing the story while you watch Bubba scraping gum off the floor.
God is so good that He won't let me miss His story. He won't let me focus on the janitor. And for that, I praise Him!!!!
God's play about Himself is real. And it, too will detach you from your troubles. But it will last far longer than a couple of hours. It will enthrall you for an eternity.
Our family's hymn this month is the more satisfying story. If you fully grasp what it means, it will leave you breathless.
"And can it be, that I should gain, an interest in the Savior's blood. Died He for me, who caused His pain, for me, who Him to death pursued? Amazing love! How can it be, that Thou, my God shouldst die for me?"
Let that be what this post leaves ringing in your ears! Whatever it takes to see Him and know Him is worth it!!!
You wouldn't know it to look at the distinguished gentleman I am now, but a little over a decade ago, on a beautiful fall night, you could have wandered into the Trahern building at Austin Peay State University and found me dressed up as a superhero, tights and all (think Jack Black in Nacho Libre), as I acted in a one-act play called Captain Neat-O man. I'll never live it down.
While I was quite the thespian in college, also acting in Our Town and Noises Off, this was my starring role. These were one-act plays written by budding playwrights at the university who needed actors to make the pages come to life. And I was ready to pour my heart into that beautiful spotlight as it shined all over me. [Side note to future thespians (especially the broke college ones)....When appearing in a high-energy, slapstick type of play, it is best not to sell your plasma shortly before the production. I repeat.....you NEED your plasma!!!]
Well, despite my somewhat spasmodic and slightly wobbly performance, the play went off fine. The only problem was there was less of an audience for it than my other plays. And while I starred in Captain Neat-O Man, I enjoyed being in Our Town and Noises Off much more. Turns out the spotlight wasn't as fulfilling as I thought it would be.
Oftentimes, you may hear the phrase "there are no small parts, only small actors". I found this to be very true. It is the story that people come to see at the theatre (that's THEEEEE ATE ER to my southern friends), not actors. People want to be momentarily detached from their own lives and swallowed up by the action on the stage. And the actor's job is to help make the play an inviting place for an audience member's heart and mind to vacation for a couple of hours.
For this to happen effectively, the story must be bigger than the actors. And for that to happen, the actor's ego must die. (Imagine a play where everyone who has a part tries to make theirs the biggest scene-stealer. It would be a disaster!!! You know, like every episode of Hee Haw EVER!!!)
The death of the actor's ego is the life of the story.
In much the same way, I am watching God do this in my real, non-tights wearing, life. But in this case, it is not so much the story that deserves the spotlight, as the Storyteller.
This is the truth I'm seeing unfold right before my eyes. This is the money phrase that echoes in my heart.......Moving down in the world helps me to worship God who raises me up in Christ.
You see, I've got a LOT of ego to kill. I've got a lot of craving for the spotlight. I love to hear the applause. I love to soak in the adulation. Tell me how good I am and I will listen to you for hours, baby!!!
Me, me, me, me. But enough about me, what do YOU think of ME? Whoooo Boy, I can listen to me all day long.
It feeds old Jay and gives him strength. But new creation, raised with Christ Jay is part of a different plot line than old Jay. Old Jay lived to jump around in spandex and hear 200 people in the audience clap for him. New Jay lives just for One (1 Cor 10:31). In fact, from Him and through Him and to Him is new Jay's story line. New Jay is consumed by the story that the Storyteller is telling about the most beautiful thing a person can even fathom, God Himself.
And new Jay wants everyone else to see the beauty of God. But it's hard to focus one spotlight on 2 things. Either it points at me or it points at Jesus. And when it points at Jesus, I find myself STILL wanting to jump in it and get some praise for myself.
So knowing this about me, God has shown me the rightness and goodness of moving down in the world.
This week, we are moving out of our $1000/month rental house on the river to a $575/month overgrown refrigerator of a mobile home in a trailer park out in the middle of nowhere. To accomplish the task of squeezing 7 humans in a space the size of a couple of parking spots, we have been forced to sell much of our belongings. Hearts have been broken as precious theology books, "Lost" DVD's, beloved microwave stands, and Elvis dolls have slipped through our fingers for the same amount of money as one would spend on a date at Taco Bell. (And that's not to mention the near escape of a cherished scooter friend of a 5 year old girl as big sister stepped in at the last minute to stop grandma from exiling the Barbie scooter to the lands of the north.)
OK, why did I write the previous paragraph? To evoke sympathy? To receive compliments for my descriptive phraseology? To get someone to buy me a house? The answer is.....maybe! See? That's how easy it is to try to put the spotlight back on yourself. Every moment is a battle to make less of me and more of God.
But I digress, the point is that the Lord is graciously showing us the pull of the created on our hearts rather than the role of the created to point to the Creator.
Romans 1:25 says, "they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever!"
You ever hear the old story of how African tribesmen catch monkeys? Supposedly, they hollow out one end of a coconut ,just big enough for a monkey's hand to squeeze through, tie it to a string and put some peanuts inside of it. When the monkey sticks its hand in, it grabs the peanuts but cannot pull its hand back out because it is now in the shape of a fist and is too big to slide back through the opening. The natives then pull the monkey towards them and whacks it on the head for some nice Indiana Jones style Monkey Brain soup.
But the ironic part of the story is that all the monkey has to do is let the peanuts go to escape. It is too greedy and selfish to let go and dies in its pursuit of the peanuts.
(Obvious Sermon Illustration Alert!!!) This is the pull that created things have on us. They become an end in themselves. You see, I hurt when I have to move down in size and quality of my housing. I hurt when things I previously treasured are picked away by the circling Garage Sale Buzzards. I hurt when I go from being a distinguished preacher who is constantly in the limelight, to a nobody telemarketer who gets cussed out every third call.
But my question is.....Is this pain wrong? Maybe not.
Not that stuff, or good jobs, or nice housing is wrong in and of itself. But when it becomes pursued, pampered, and idolized (AHHHHHH, you thought I was going old school Southern Baptist preacher, 3-point alliteration on you, didn't you? Admit it!!), it is used to serve you instead of letting it serve or cause praise to come to the One who gave it to you.
And maybe letting go of it (even with my claw marks on it as I fought to keep it) is God's way of reorienting me to His story. Maybe he's taking me back to the times when I acted in plays where the beauty of the story, like Our Town, was more important than the fleeting applause for playing an idiot superhero who lived with his mom.
So as I signed the contract to rent our overgrown sideways refrigerator, I felt something unexpected. And upon talking to Michelle, she felt the same thing. Relief!
Relief from the burden of keeping up with a high rent when I don't make a lot of money.
Relief from even the attempt to keep up with the Jones' (no offense Kayla). Because we couldn't even if we tried.
Relief from the amount of stuff which we have constantly dragged with us from house to house.
But most importantly, relief from placing ourselves in the spotlight.
It gets hot under those lights you know. And it greatly impairs your vision. You can't see anything or anyone else in the crowd. It's all about you and you know it. And no one can live under the spotlight for too long without missing a line, tripping over a prop, or sweating profusely as people watch your every move.
We weren't created to withstand this constant spotlight. We mess up. We fail. We sin.
But there is One who is made for the spotlight. Jesus Christ, the Godman, lived a perfect, sinless life so that as we repent of our sins and place our absolute trust in Him, we can rest from the glare that was never intended for us. My favorite verse says it best. 2 Cor 5:21, "He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him."
In Him is better than in the spotlight any day of the week. I am safer there. I am covered there. I am strengthened there. I am saved there.
In me without Him, my path will only lead to ruin. Oh, but in Him there is peace with God. And that is the story He wants me to tell.
So he moves me down. And as He does, He lifts my eyes up to the all satisfying crucified and resurrected Savior. My Hero, My God, My King.
As He lowers me and empties me of my pride, He raises me and fills me with His Spirit. Instead of the disgusting muck of sin inside, I find pristine holiness and constant comfort from the Holy Spirit, my guarantee of a future inheritance which will dwarf my collection of Lost DVD's, Elvis dolls, and even theology books.
He moves me down in house to raise me up in mansions.
He moves me down in pride to fill me up with awe.
He moves me down in resources to capture my attention as He alone provides my manna.
Moving down is not bad, friends. In fact, it is the way up.
You die to raise up. Unless Jesus returns before your death, you will slowly recede back to the dust as your once strong and upright body becomes more and more crooked until it lays on its death bed. Every day you get closer to the ground. But those in Christ see it as getting closer to Him.
John 12:24 says, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit."
Dying to yourself is necessary to become born again.
Even the posture of prayer is a beautiful example of moving down and away from the spotlight so that God alone shines.
Just think of going to a play and the spotlight guy puts his beam on the janitor in the corner while the play is going on. You would be outraged! Why? Because you would be missing the story while you watch Bubba scraping gum off the floor.
God is so good that He won't let me miss His story. He won't let me focus on the janitor. And for that, I praise Him!!!!
God's play about Himself is real. And it, too will detach you from your troubles. But it will last far longer than a couple of hours. It will enthrall you for an eternity.
Our family's hymn this month is the more satisfying story. If you fully grasp what it means, it will leave you breathless.
"And can it be, that I should gain, an interest in the Savior's blood. Died He for me, who caused His pain, for me, who Him to death pursued? Amazing love! How can it be, that Thou, my God shouldst die for me?"
Let that be what this post leaves ringing in your ears! Whatever it takes to see Him and know Him is worth it!!!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
I love my wife!!!
It is always good to pause to reflect on good things in your life. So today I will remember the best thing (outside of my relationship with Jesus). Today is my wife's birthday.
As I have been married to my prize for 15 years now, I can honestly say that what I see in her is what 15 year old Jay couldn't even dream up in his best dreams as he sat in math class wondering what kind of woman he would end up with.
Young Jay would probably have focused solely on beauty. What I have is the beauty that calms when chaos surrounds, the beauty that shines when gloomy days overwhelm, and the beauty that radiates the love of Jesus Christ on everyone around her. Deep and everlasting beauty, inside her soul and outside as she is clothed in righteousness.
Young Jay would have wanted a trophy wife. What I have is a trophy, but not for others to admire. This trophy is for me to admire how good of a God must have given it to me.
Young Jay would have wanted a girl to rescue. What I have is a woman who rescues me from myself on a daily basis. Her strength, calm, and confidence in her God spills over onto me every day of my life.
Young Jay would have wanted a girl to have fun with. What I have is a woman who knows how to have fun, but who is even better at having joy.
Young Jay would have wanted to never settle down. What I have is a settling of my spirit bestowed on me through the means of a godly wife.
Anxiousness has given way to peace.
Vanity has given way to depth.
Selfishness has given way to sacrifice.
And I have given my heart to the Lord who has trusted it with my treasure box named Michelle.
I love you, Michelle. Happy birthday, My Chelle. Your life has blessed, is blessing, and will continue to bless the Lord and those He blesses with your presence.
God is perfect!
Yours forever,
Jay
As I have been married to my prize for 15 years now, I can honestly say that what I see in her is what 15 year old Jay couldn't even dream up in his best dreams as he sat in math class wondering what kind of woman he would end up with.
Young Jay would probably have focused solely on beauty. What I have is the beauty that calms when chaos surrounds, the beauty that shines when gloomy days overwhelm, and the beauty that radiates the love of Jesus Christ on everyone around her. Deep and everlasting beauty, inside her soul and outside as she is clothed in righteousness.
Young Jay would have wanted a trophy wife. What I have is a trophy, but not for others to admire. This trophy is for me to admire how good of a God must have given it to me.
Young Jay would have wanted a girl to rescue. What I have is a woman who rescues me from myself on a daily basis. Her strength, calm, and confidence in her God spills over onto me every day of my life.
Young Jay would have wanted a girl to have fun with. What I have is a woman who knows how to have fun, but who is even better at having joy.
Young Jay would have wanted to never settle down. What I have is a settling of my spirit bestowed on me through the means of a godly wife.
Anxiousness has given way to peace.
Vanity has given way to depth.
Selfishness has given way to sacrifice.
And I have given my heart to the Lord who has trusted it with my treasure box named Michelle.
I love you, Michelle. Happy birthday, My Chelle. Your life has blessed, is blessing, and will continue to bless the Lord and those He blesses with your presence.
God is perfect!
Yours forever,
Jay
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Christian Books for sale
To raise money to help us move, I am going to be selling a LOT of my books. Almost all of them are in near perfect shape (I don't like to write in my books).
Check out my shelfari above this post. Each of these books is for sale.
If you see a book you would like, make me a fair offer ASAP (via email at richfam2u(at)gmail(dot)com). Again, this is so that we can raise enough money to put down for a deposit on an apartment.
There will probably be more titles added later.
Check out my shelfari above this post. Each of these books is for sale.
If you see a book you would like, make me a fair offer ASAP (via email at richfam2u(at)gmail(dot)com). Again, this is so that we can raise enough money to put down for a deposit on an apartment.
There will probably be more titles added later.
Friday, September 7, 2012
The Countdown to Who Knows What?????
Well, the hits just keep on coming!
I have lived under SO much stress lately that my right eyelid literally has constantly been twitching for a couple of weeks now. Also, my left eyelid just started to twitch too. My shoulders are like steel, hardened by tension and stress. I am physically feeling the burdens on me moment by moment.
And I know the cliches and platitudes that we offer to each other about laying our burdens at the feet of Christ, and they are definitely true. And don't believe for a second that I haven't been. When you live in a constant state of uncertainty, that is one thing a Christian definitely learns to do more of....pray.
But I live here, right in the middle of it, like a tribesman in a tent surrounded by lions. I might have confidence in my weapons, but you better believe my heart still races every second of the dark, cold night.
And folks, my heart is racing today.
A couple of days ago, I told Michelle that we needed to think about maybe adopting a more radical plan to get out of the mess we're in. Basically, I suggested 2 options:
The second option is bad because there are 6 of us and there are many details to attend to in a small amount of time (trying to sell off a bunch of stuff, storing the rest, getting a PO Box, etc).
Now, onto today. The owner of the house sent a representative by today telling us that he is planning on selling the house. They even power washed it and were working on the yard and asked us to have it ready for a potential buyer to come and see it. So now we definitely know that our time here is very short. Something MUST open up.
On my way to work today, my car died AGAIN! It wouldn't start so I had to take our van to work. This is the 3rd time in the past couple of months something has broken.
We have a few hundred dollars to our name and the job I'm working at has only been part time this week during training. It will be full time starting next week. The first 2 weeks, I am getting paid $9/hr and then it goes up to $12/hr. And that's all the income we have right now. We might have some money from some past work show up but we are not holding our breath for it. We own nothing of value to sell either.
I am not sure we can even make it here anymore. I am considering all of us moving in with my mother in law and crowding into her house. But then I would lose the job I have and she lives about an hour away from Nashville (where most likely I would try to find work).
If anyone in the world needs wisdom right now, it is me. I absolutely have no idea what to do and the clock is now ticking.
And let me say this. This is NOT a plea for money. I write to share my desperation for prayers on behalf of my family. This will truly take a monsoon of grace. But He is able.....He ALONE is able!!!
If you have any advice, I would welcome it. If you have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ, I would welcome your prayers more.
And if you don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ, I would love to share my riches in Him with you.
J
I have lived under SO much stress lately that my right eyelid literally has constantly been twitching for a couple of weeks now. Also, my left eyelid just started to twitch too. My shoulders are like steel, hardened by tension and stress. I am physically feeling the burdens on me moment by moment.
And I know the cliches and platitudes that we offer to each other about laying our burdens at the feet of Christ, and they are definitely true. And don't believe for a second that I haven't been. When you live in a constant state of uncertainty, that is one thing a Christian definitely learns to do more of....pray.
But I live here, right in the middle of it, like a tribesman in a tent surrounded by lions. I might have confidence in my weapons, but you better believe my heart still races every second of the dark, cold night.
And folks, my heart is racing today.
A couple of days ago, I told Michelle that we needed to think about maybe adopting a more radical plan to get out of the mess we're in. Basically, I suggested 2 options:
- For her and the kids to move in with her mom in Nashville for a couple of months while I continued to work my new job here so that I could save up enough money to rent a place. You see, with a foreclosure on our records, we are almost certain to require first and last months rent, at least and it will take a while for me to earn that.
- To borrow her parents 5th wheel and try to find someone who will let us park on their land for a couple of months so we can save up some money to rent a place.
The second option is bad because there are 6 of us and there are many details to attend to in a small amount of time (trying to sell off a bunch of stuff, storing the rest, getting a PO Box, etc).
Now, onto today. The owner of the house sent a representative by today telling us that he is planning on selling the house. They even power washed it and were working on the yard and asked us to have it ready for a potential buyer to come and see it. So now we definitely know that our time here is very short. Something MUST open up.
On my way to work today, my car died AGAIN! It wouldn't start so I had to take our van to work. This is the 3rd time in the past couple of months something has broken.
We have a few hundred dollars to our name and the job I'm working at has only been part time this week during training. It will be full time starting next week. The first 2 weeks, I am getting paid $9/hr and then it goes up to $12/hr. And that's all the income we have right now. We might have some money from some past work show up but we are not holding our breath for it. We own nothing of value to sell either.
I am not sure we can even make it here anymore. I am considering all of us moving in with my mother in law and crowding into her house. But then I would lose the job I have and she lives about an hour away from Nashville (where most likely I would try to find work).
If anyone in the world needs wisdom right now, it is me. I absolutely have no idea what to do and the clock is now ticking.
And let me say this. This is NOT a plea for money. I write to share my desperation for prayers on behalf of my family. This will truly take a monsoon of grace. But He is able.....He ALONE is able!!!
If you have any advice, I would welcome it. If you have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ, I would welcome your prayers more.
And if you don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ, I would love to share my riches in Him with you.
J
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Job update
Just a quick update for everyone who has been praying for us.
I interviewed with Rick Perry of the Dave Ramsey group this past Wednesday. It was a great opportunity to discuss positions in the organization and to meet many kind and energetic people.
However, (and I could be wrong about this), I did not get the sense that he believed that I was the best fit for the position.
While driving the 3 hour drive back home, a wrestling match took place. I talked (whined) to the Lord about another missed opportunity. My wife comforted me over the phone with wise words reminding me of the sovereignty of God. And all the previous nervous and negative energy seemed to drain out of me, just leaving me a shell of a person driving home.
In numbness, I watched the dotted lines on the road fly by. And I turned on some music on my Ipod to hear others sing of their great love for Jesus. At first, I seemed to be a specatator to the worship of the unseen faces coming out of my radio, but then I found myself not just wanting to, but HAVING to participate.
And over the course of those couple of hours, I discovered that the Lord emptied me for a reason.....to make room for Him! So much of my vision has been clouded by so little of a man that it felt nice to be swallowed up by His massive presence and His message of forgiveness and love.
I know that God loves me and is doing just the right thing at just the right time.
And thinking about things, it just seems to me that He won't let me shake the idea of serving Him in Poland. Preparing us by taking everything away. Preparing us by walking us through the desert. Preparing us by emptying us of ourselves. Preparing us by not allowing us to succeed in our pursuit of ANYTHING else which would keep us away. Preparing us by renewing our minds so that we will be able to know what His will is-His good, pleasing, and perfect will.
Maybe so, maybe not. I do not know. But, for now, I limp away from my wrestling match with God trusting that He is bigger, stronger, and wiser than I am. And He is good. Want proof? Read God's very own words in the book of John.
And just so you know, God did provide me with a job raising funds for Firemen over the phone. I started the day after my Dave Ramsey interview. It is monotonous and dry and not my favorite thing in the world, but so was the daily manna the Israelites received from God. So I will keep eating whatever manna He sends me trying to be grateful that He sends me anything in spite of my sins against Him.
One day at a time. One bite at a time. Grateful for the crumbs which will one day be a feast!
The story is not over.
Jay
I interviewed with Rick Perry of the Dave Ramsey group this past Wednesday. It was a great opportunity to discuss positions in the organization and to meet many kind and energetic people.
However, (and I could be wrong about this), I did not get the sense that he believed that I was the best fit for the position.
While driving the 3 hour drive back home, a wrestling match took place. I talked (whined) to the Lord about another missed opportunity. My wife comforted me over the phone with wise words reminding me of the sovereignty of God. And all the previous nervous and negative energy seemed to drain out of me, just leaving me a shell of a person driving home.
In numbness, I watched the dotted lines on the road fly by. And I turned on some music on my Ipod to hear others sing of their great love for Jesus. At first, I seemed to be a specatator to the worship of the unseen faces coming out of my radio, but then I found myself not just wanting to, but HAVING to participate.
And over the course of those couple of hours, I discovered that the Lord emptied me for a reason.....to make room for Him! So much of my vision has been clouded by so little of a man that it felt nice to be swallowed up by His massive presence and His message of forgiveness and love.
I know that God loves me and is doing just the right thing at just the right time.
And thinking about things, it just seems to me that He won't let me shake the idea of serving Him in Poland. Preparing us by taking everything away. Preparing us by walking us through the desert. Preparing us by emptying us of ourselves. Preparing us by not allowing us to succeed in our pursuit of ANYTHING else which would keep us away. Preparing us by renewing our minds so that we will be able to know what His will is-His good, pleasing, and perfect will.
Maybe so, maybe not. I do not know. But, for now, I limp away from my wrestling match with God trusting that He is bigger, stronger, and wiser than I am. And He is good. Want proof? Read God's very own words in the book of John.
And just so you know, God did provide me with a job raising funds for Firemen over the phone. I started the day after my Dave Ramsey interview. It is monotonous and dry and not my favorite thing in the world, but so was the daily manna the Israelites received from God. So I will keep eating whatever manna He sends me trying to be grateful that He sends me anything in spite of my sins against Him.
One day at a time. One bite at a time. Grateful for the crumbs which will one day be a feast!
The story is not over.
Jay
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Brain Pickins
Well, tomorrow is the day for the big interview with Dave Ramsey at Financial Peace Plaza in Nashville.
Ironically, today I received a completely separate email in my other email account from Dave Ramsey's people requesting a phone interview with another guy (I used my old application which had my less-used email on it) for the same position. This is good news! I believe this points to the fact that they were going to pull my resume anyway for an interview.
Many of you do not know this, but a few years ago, I interviewed for a similar position with Dave Ramsey's Lampo Group. I was living in Florida at the time and flew in just for the interview. That is when I found out how great the company was to work for! But, in God's providence, I did not receive a follow-up interview.
I will be better prepared this time as a result of that experience.
But I need some advice, especially from those of you who interview people at your jobs. Already, I have received some great tips from Michelle's cousin and it was so good that I want to ask you for some more.
Specifically:
- How should I dress? The company has a casual dress with most of the employees and even Dave wearing jeans and flip flops. However, this is an interview where I want to put my best foot forward. How much is too much? How little is too little?
- What are some questions I should anticipate from the HR guy (he was very easygoing last time) and the sales staff (they were very tough)?
- What are some questions I can ask about the company?
- How much energy should I bring to the table, considering that I used such an unusual and somewhat pushy method to get the interview in the first place?
In Christ,
Jay
Friday, August 24, 2012
A Special Night of Caving In!!!!
It has been many weeks that I have held out on knowing the gender of future baby Richardson. But going to the ultrasound appointment was just too much for my frail resolve to withstand. While I showed enough strength to look away while the gender was revealed, the pressure has caused me to crack.
But I still NEED it to be a surprise!!! It's very important that this occasion is marked in a memorable way.
Now it just so happens that some friends of ours have invited us to go the Tennessee Smokies game tonight for free. And also, Michelle's mom decided that she was going to come and visit tonight and stay for a few days to celebrate her birthday with us. There's just enough tickets for everyone.
All of these events coalescing caused my mind to think of some possibilities. And it clicked.
I called the Tennessee Smokies and asked them if they would be involved in revealing whether the baby is a boy or a girl.
So tonight, in the top of the 9th inning, they are going to have our kids on the field popping pink and blue balloons with confetti shooting out of them. The last balloon they pop will either have blue or pink confetti and we will all find out together at that moment whether we have a boy or a girl.
Cool, huh?
Thursday, August 23, 2012
We did it!!!!
Never in my history of looking for work (and I am quite experienced at this my friends) have I received such a fast response inviting me for an interview!!!
Let me recap the day for you because, like it or not, you are invested in my life now. I can share the sorrows, but Boy Oh Boy I can sure share the victories too!
First, I want to admit something else to you. The "Job Mob" was my main strategy to receive an interview with Dave Ramsey, but there was another part of my plan. Providentially, I was scheduled to pick up my car today in Tullahoma (it broke down there last week). That is quite a ways from me, but only another hour or so away from Brentwood, TN. Why is that important? Because that is where Financial Peace Plaza is located, the site of the Dave Ramsey show and the Lampo Group.
Knowing this, I wanted to attack this job search on one more front.....Dave Ramsey himself!!! Last night, I stayed up late crafting a 1 page plea for a job interview. In it, I told him about the "Job Mob" so that he would know that I possess the creativity needed for a job like this. Being such a crucial part of my qualifications, I really needed you to come through for me, to show that I could do what I said I would do, namely flood the inbox of Rick Perry. And you did!!!
Rick Perry (the main HR guy of the Lampo Group) called and left a voicemail within about an hour of us leaving the facility!!! He was quite impressed with the sheer volume of emails. He told me to call off the "Job Mob" and that he surrenders. In his email, he quoted some specific phrases that I only wrote in my personal letter to Dave Ramsey, so the attack on that front succeeded as well!
In short, he was overwhelmed with requests, by me, you, and apparently Mr. Ramsey himself to check me out for this position. On the phone, he was quite jovial, chuckling a lot, and telling me how much they like to see that kind of enthusiasm and creativity.
All I can say is thank you so much! I will be calling Mr. Perry tomorrow to set up an interview and when the time comes, I will let you know when it is so that you can pray for me.
That's how it works, folks. My sorrow is your sorrow. My joy is your joy. One body, one Savior, one hope! All praise goes to King Jesus who blessed me and you with our authentic fellowship over these past few days!
Getting this position is still quite uncertain, but I know this for sure....God heard your prayers this day and answered with a resounding, "Yes!" And we all benefitted from seeing Him work.
Let it not be mistaken in any way, God opened this door today. But He uses means too. Thank you for being His tools today.
Now leave Mr. Perry alone, will ya?!!!!!!
Jay
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
You've heard of Flash Mobs, welcome to the Job Mob
Over the past few days, I have shared quite a lot on my blog. (As of this morning, I have taken down my last 2 posts so that I can now focus on moving forward.) Those of you who have read it know that there have been many painful things happen to me as of late. But "to everything there is a season" and I am now trying to put one foot in front of the other.
Many of you have messaged me with such encouragement and support, but when someone you love is going through a trial it is natural to try to think of practical ways you can help. Much of the time, there might not be anything you can do. But I have thought of one thing, just ONE THING, which might help me out more than you know.
As you can imagine, not having a job or any source of income only serves to magnify every other problem in life. And it is a pressing need for me and my family. So I need help finding work.
Finding a job in today's market is extremely difficult for so many, and I am no exception. It is hard to even get an interview because resumes are screened to such minute details, that only a select few ever get to the desk of the hiring manager. I have not yet figured out the key to standing out, having my resume reviewed, and getting an interview. So I am forced to try to be creative.
In all of the best sources of information for how to find work, I find that the most effective way to get an interview with a company is to know someone who can help you get in front of the one responsible for hiring. I have moved so many times that coming into new places does not afford me much time to build up a network of contacts which can help me to branch out.
I have a very specific target in mind.....Dave Ramsey.
If you have not heard of him, Dave Ramsey is a Christian financial expert who has:
- a top-rated radio show with millions of listeners every day.
- many NY Times bestseller books
- and an organization based in Nashville which employs hundreds of people
I have continually looked on his website (daveramsey.com) to look for jobs which would be a good fit for me. And I have found one......Sales Advisor for Hosting Simulcast of Events.
This involves contacting churches and businesses to host a Simulcast of a Dave Ramsey event. With my background working in churches, my belief in the product, and my passion to help people, I strongly believe that I would be a great fit.
But I don't want to be another resume-screening casualty. So Here's the plan and what I would ask you to do to help me:
- If you want to do something to help me, I want you to email the H.R. manager (REMOVED FOR PRIVACY) a very brief note (no longer than one paragraph total), stating (in the body):
- Your name
- Your occupation (so that he knows these are serious references)
- Why you think I would be a good fit with Dave Ramsey.
- Personal qualities I possess which would be of benefit to Dave Ramsey.
- Most importantly, in the subject line of the email, I want you to write :
- "Why (REMOVED FOR PRIVACY) should get an interview"
- Since I want this to be impossible to avoid, I would ask that you do this tomorrow (Thursday, August 23rd) in order for him to receive these messages all in one day!
Folks, I really want to work!!!! This is the first step I must take in beginning to put things back together and I am running out of time before we will have to move in with family.
Admittedly, this is probably a long shot. But I can't sit idly by anymore waiting on my phone to ring. I want to use my creativity to the best of my ability to hopefully get out of the mess I'm in. I just want a chance. Would you help me get an interview?
Thanks for considering doing this.
In Christ,
Jay
P.S. Yes, (REMOVED FOR PRIVACY), is my first name. I need you to put that so that they can match my name with my resume and application which I've previously submitted.
If you have any friends who know me and want to help, please let them know for me.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Ch...ch...ch...changes
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. But we are not. He has nothing that needs improving, we do. Because of that, I feel like so many of the things we do are somewhat drastic: losing weight, trying to go to Poland, homeschooling, and on and on. However, these changes are not born out of a desire necessarily to improve, rather they come from a recognition of the holiness of God, Christ living in me, and the distance my life shows between the two.
Yes, I want to improve my life, but the irony is that I cannot. As much as I pull, prod, and cajole, I just end up rearranging the mud. I must realize that I am muddy first so that I finally look to a pure, outside source of cleanliness who is willing and able to do the necessary cleaning. And another irony is that the alien source of purifying me (Jesus Christ and the atoning work of His blood and the righteous life He imputes to me through justification) lives within me because of His choice, not mine.
That means that Jesus loves me based on His sovereign pleasure alone. And what He loves, He doesn't leave unchanged.
What ends up happening is war. War within me. I long to live and serve this amazing God who has done everything to present me spotless before Himself, yet I drift back towards that pile of mud.
The yo-yo of my life and the constant changes that I have and will continue to undergo is that movement on the continuum between holiness and unholiness. It's a process called sanctification. Up and down I go, but comfort comes in looking back and seeing more up than down. Not from my exertion, effort, and good work, but by the Holy Spirit in me.
Paul even wrote about this in Romans 7:19, "For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing." He was fighting a bigger enemy than the Romans, the Pharisees, or even Emperor Nero who ended up killing him. He was fighting his own flesh. And I am fighting mine. Yet not I, but Christ within me. He fights and He wins!
Because you know what else Paul wrote in 2 Timothy 4:7-8, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."
Paul wasn't the hero of his own story, Jesus is. (Yes, I know I switched tenses in the previous sentence, but the point is that Jesus still is Paul's hero because He lives.) He allowed Paul to swing up and down on the pendulum to demonstrate His power within Paul, to show that He is a mighty God who is able to preserve His children and keep them to the end.
Jude 24-25 says, "Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen."
Jesus Christ gets all the credit, all the accolades, all the glory!
Yes, I'm on a yo-yo that sometimes produces drastic changes in my life, but the ride is not pointless. It strengthens my faith in the String Holder. And let's not forget that the crown of righteousness, which He earned, awaits. For the past 2,000 years of sinless glory in heaven which he now lives, Paul most assuredly would tell us that all His earthly struggles and the sometimes painful process of sanctification (growing in Christlikeness) was worth it.
Let the Holy Spirit continue to tear down your strongholds and you can trust that He will fill you up with something far greater than you could ever imagine....Himself.
The war rages on, yet the outcome is secure in Christ!
What does this look like for me, for now? I war with my appetite every day to honor and bring glory to Christ. I war with my desire for gossip and my tendency towards pride by trying to judge my motives for using Facebook and am staying off of it until I am better prepared to let Christ reign in me there. I war with my total inability to provide for my family while watching God drop manna on me every day. I war with my desire to remove myself from the front lines, by watching a pretend world on television where life happens to them and not me. I war with my pride as I march somewhere with my kids to pass out gospel tracts because I don't want to seem like a crazy man and I don't want my children to see their dad get tracts slapped out of my hands, but Jesus compels me to proclaim the good news which I myself have received. I war and I war and I war. But no war lasts forever, my wounded and numb friends. There is a consummation one way or another.
At the end of it all, we will all see Jesus. Every knee will bow before Him and every knee will confess that He is God. Either you will bow as a defeated enemy, or you will bow as a grateful co-heir of His inheritance.
I love Jesus Christ.
His,
Jay
Yes, I want to improve my life, but the irony is that I cannot. As much as I pull, prod, and cajole, I just end up rearranging the mud. I must realize that I am muddy first so that I finally look to a pure, outside source of cleanliness who is willing and able to do the necessary cleaning. And another irony is that the alien source of purifying me (Jesus Christ and the atoning work of His blood and the righteous life He imputes to me through justification) lives within me because of His choice, not mine.
That means that Jesus loves me based on His sovereign pleasure alone. And what He loves, He doesn't leave unchanged.
What ends up happening is war. War within me. I long to live and serve this amazing God who has done everything to present me spotless before Himself, yet I drift back towards that pile of mud.
The yo-yo of my life and the constant changes that I have and will continue to undergo is that movement on the continuum between holiness and unholiness. It's a process called sanctification. Up and down I go, but comfort comes in looking back and seeing more up than down. Not from my exertion, effort, and good work, but by the Holy Spirit in me.
Paul even wrote about this in Romans 7:19, "For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing." He was fighting a bigger enemy than the Romans, the Pharisees, or even Emperor Nero who ended up killing him. He was fighting his own flesh. And I am fighting mine. Yet not I, but Christ within me. He fights and He wins!
Because you know what else Paul wrote in 2 Timothy 4:7-8, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."
Paul wasn't the hero of his own story, Jesus is. (Yes, I know I switched tenses in the previous sentence, but the point is that Jesus still is Paul's hero because He lives.) He allowed Paul to swing up and down on the pendulum to demonstrate His power within Paul, to show that He is a mighty God who is able to preserve His children and keep them to the end.
Jude 24-25 says, "Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen."
Jesus Christ gets all the credit, all the accolades, all the glory!
Yes, I'm on a yo-yo that sometimes produces drastic changes in my life, but the ride is not pointless. It strengthens my faith in the String Holder. And let's not forget that the crown of righteousness, which He earned, awaits. For the past 2,000 years of sinless glory in heaven which he now lives, Paul most assuredly would tell us that all His earthly struggles and the sometimes painful process of sanctification (growing in Christlikeness) was worth it.
Let the Holy Spirit continue to tear down your strongholds and you can trust that He will fill you up with something far greater than you could ever imagine....Himself.
The war rages on, yet the outcome is secure in Christ!
What does this look like for me, for now? I war with my appetite every day to honor and bring glory to Christ. I war with my desire for gossip and my tendency towards pride by trying to judge my motives for using Facebook and am staying off of it until I am better prepared to let Christ reign in me there. I war with my total inability to provide for my family while watching God drop manna on me every day. I war with my desire to remove myself from the front lines, by watching a pretend world on television where life happens to them and not me. I war with my pride as I march somewhere with my kids to pass out gospel tracts because I don't want to seem like a crazy man and I don't want my children to see their dad get tracts slapped out of my hands, but Jesus compels me to proclaim the good news which I myself have received. I war and I war and I war. But no war lasts forever, my wounded and numb friends. There is a consummation one way or another.
At the end of it all, we will all see Jesus. Every knee will bow before Him and every knee will confess that He is God. Either you will bow as a defeated enemy, or you will bow as a grateful co-heir of His inheritance.
I love Jesus Christ.
His,
Jay
Saturday, February 25, 2012
How water can help the unemployed
I have always loved gazing into water. Back when I lived in San Diego, whenever I wanted a bigger sense of what life was all about, I would often head out to the beach just to watch the waves roll in and out. What I drank in, as the horizon swallowed up the ocean or vice versa, was the sense that God is very big. But even more important to me was the peace that I derived from watching the powerful and loud crashing waves rhythmically dancing with the shore line. (Side note: I guess that's why I didn't enjoy living in Florida because the ocean waves were so wimpy in comparison to those of the Pacific.)
It's hard to imagine that something loud and powerful brought peace to my soul, even as I've encountered those same adjectives in other scenarios (traffic, screaming children, jackhammers, or all 3 at once). But what I've discovered is that power IS peace.
Not my power, mind you. For after 38 years, it has become strikingly apparent that I have none of my own. Ironically, my powerlessness still stuns me. When jobs don't appear and when finances seem to choke the living daylights out of me, I kick against the goads until I'm left completely exhausted in every way. And then I turn to the water to remember.
There's a river that flows in my backyard. Oh, how I praise God for that river. No matter how bad my day has been, or no matter what turmoil my heart won't let go of, that river is unaffected. It flows back and forth, to and fro, doing what God has called it to do. And my God is that way too. His perfect plans for me remain unaffected no matter how I perceive the daily chaos. He doesn't worry, because He already has it all figured out. His flow of grace never ends and His ability to deal with me and my problems is unquestionable. He is power, and He is peace.
And I see that in my river. I think it's why the song "It is Well" gets to me so deeply. "When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well, with my soul."
The man that wrote that hymn penned those words as he was sailing over the spot where his daughters drowned in a shipwreck. The same sea which submerged his precious girls, reminded Him of His precious Savior. Oh, praise Jesus that He goes with us!
Folks, I am hurting so bad right now with so many things. And I know that many of you, if not most of you, are hurting too. And I know that many of you probably have much bigger problems than I do. But though our pains might look different, our answer is the same. Every problem, every tragedy, every hurt, every heartache, is meant to take you to the River of Life, the Living Water, Jesus Christ.
And while the pain will remain, the balm will be applied and reapplied, and our Great Physician will tell us that the story is not over. And He will point to the seal of the Holy Spirit over our hearts to remind us that we are indeed His. And then He'll send us back to those same situations, same cancers, same lost jobs, same mean coworkers, same disrespectful children, and same crosses with different eyes to see with. And what will we see? We'll see Him in the fiery furnace with us, and we'll see the divine fire hose in His hands and we'll know that it's just a matter of time (His time) before He douses it forever.
And then we are to share that Scriptural vision with others, not without sharing our pain, because people need to see that we are indeed powerless so that when God's power carries us, He gets the credit for being the amazing God that He is.
Again, let me say that I hurt so bad today. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't talk to my wife, I couldn't even think straight. My needs are so, so many and I feel like I am drowning. But God has used that river in my backyard tonight to remind me that His power is my peace and His peace is my power!
Thank you for hearing my soul, friends.
J
It's hard to imagine that something loud and powerful brought peace to my soul, even as I've encountered those same adjectives in other scenarios (traffic, screaming children, jackhammers, or all 3 at once). But what I've discovered is that power IS peace.
Not my power, mind you. For after 38 years, it has become strikingly apparent that I have none of my own. Ironically, my powerlessness still stuns me. When jobs don't appear and when finances seem to choke the living daylights out of me, I kick against the goads until I'm left completely exhausted in every way. And then I turn to the water to remember.
There's a river that flows in my backyard. Oh, how I praise God for that river. No matter how bad my day has been, or no matter what turmoil my heart won't let go of, that river is unaffected. It flows back and forth, to and fro, doing what God has called it to do. And my God is that way too. His perfect plans for me remain unaffected no matter how I perceive the daily chaos. He doesn't worry, because He already has it all figured out. His flow of grace never ends and His ability to deal with me and my problems is unquestionable. He is power, and He is peace.
And I see that in my river. I think it's why the song "It is Well" gets to me so deeply. "When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well, with my soul."
The man that wrote that hymn penned those words as he was sailing over the spot where his daughters drowned in a shipwreck. The same sea which submerged his precious girls, reminded Him of His precious Savior. Oh, praise Jesus that He goes with us!
Folks, I am hurting so bad right now with so many things. And I know that many of you, if not most of you, are hurting too. And I know that many of you probably have much bigger problems than I do. But though our pains might look different, our answer is the same. Every problem, every tragedy, every hurt, every heartache, is meant to take you to the River of Life, the Living Water, Jesus Christ.
And while the pain will remain, the balm will be applied and reapplied, and our Great Physician will tell us that the story is not over. And He will point to the seal of the Holy Spirit over our hearts to remind us that we are indeed His. And then He'll send us back to those same situations, same cancers, same lost jobs, same mean coworkers, same disrespectful children, and same crosses with different eyes to see with. And what will we see? We'll see Him in the fiery furnace with us, and we'll see the divine fire hose in His hands and we'll know that it's just a matter of time (His time) before He douses it forever.
And then we are to share that Scriptural vision with others, not without sharing our pain, because people need to see that we are indeed powerless so that when God's power carries us, He gets the credit for being the amazing God that He is.
Again, let me say that I hurt so bad today. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't talk to my wife, I couldn't even think straight. My needs are so, so many and I feel like I am drowning. But God has used that river in my backyard tonight to remind me that His power is my peace and His peace is my power!
Thank you for hearing my soul, friends.
J
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Poland bound, me and YOU?
I will be leaving for Poland this Tuesday for 2 weeks. The main purpose of this trip is to survey possible areas where the Lord might have our family to serve Him. Also, I will be participating in a number of ministry opportunities (speaking at a Soup Kitchen, preaching in various churches, teaching in small group settings, food distribution, etc). I am extremely grateful for the support I have received to help me and my son, Austin, to go on this exciting journey together.
In addition, there is an opportunity to bless a local pastor (Henryk Podsiadly) who I will be working closely with. I first met Henryk on my first mission trip to Poland where I saw his heart to serve the Lord by serving those in need. He has been used by God to serve the poor by: helping to start orphanages, distributing food to the poor, running various camps, and witnessing to people on the streets. I would love to bless and affirm his ministry by bringing a financial gift to help him with his ministry. If you would like to contribute towards the ministry of Pastor Henryk, you can make a check out to Basswood Church in Knoxville, TN.
Thanks again for your prayers and support. I look forward to bringing back a full report upon my return. In the meantime, if you should have any more questions, feel free to email me at our new email address: richfam2u@gmail.com.
Sent to be spent,
Jay Richardson
In addition, there is an opportunity to bless a local pastor (Henryk Podsiadly) who I will be working closely with. I first met Henryk on my first mission trip to Poland where I saw his heart to serve the Lord by serving those in need. He has been used by God to serve the poor by: helping to start orphanages, distributing food to the poor, running various camps, and witnessing to people on the streets. I would love to bless and affirm his ministry by bringing a financial gift to help him with his ministry. If you would like to contribute towards the ministry of Pastor Henryk, you can make a check out to Basswood Church in Knoxville, TN.
Thanks again for your prayers and support. I look forward to bringing back a full report upon my return. In the meantime, if you should have any more questions, feel free to email me at our new email address: richfam2u@gmail.com.
Sent to be spent,
Jay Richardson
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
2 HUGE announcements
Hello friends.
ANNOUNCEMENT #1
On February 28, 2011 I woke up with a clear vision of what I was supposed to do for the next 8 1/2 months of my life.
To recap, I had just been fired from my job as a senior pastor and I was still living in a town of a thousand people where my family was constantly reminded of our ignominious ending in that community. I had been down this road once before upon being forced out of another church position and being completely unemployed for 8 months. And it was a terrifying time for my family in many ways. And here I was again.
Knowing what possibly lay ahead of me, I knew that I needed to try to do something positive....SOMETHING! And since I couldn't control when I would be hired, I decided to do something about my weight. I rolled over in bed and told Michelle of my plan to lose weight. I said, "I need to do something with this time in my life and I want to help someone else, someone I don't even know." I told her of a crazy idea I had to lose weight and ask my Facebook friends to make a pledge for each pound I lost. That way, I would be held accountable to my decision.
We thought about who we could raise money for. I knew it had to be for one person, so I could have a real name and face to travel on this journey with me. Michelle told me about an organization her friend was working through to adopt an international, special-needs child, called 'Reece's Rainbow'. What was different about this was the sense of urgency that came with these kids. If they weren't adopted by a certain age a vast majority of them would be transferred to an institution where they would die within the first year. I knew this was the horizon God wanted my eyes to be focused on.
So we randomly (providentially) chose a family to help -- The Wilson Family. They love the Lord dearly and had a heart to express their love and imitation of the Gospel by adopting a little boy from Kiev they would name Peyton. The Wilson family laid everything they had before God and said that it was all His. They sold whatever they could to glorify God by bringing this child home. And the amount it would cost to adopt this boy was very high.
I knew that whatever I could raise would only be a drop in the bucket, but a drop in the bucket is better than a dry bucket. So I posted this blog the next day and was overwhelmed by the love and support that came through my screen. Many of my family and friends came through for me and I was determined to see this through.
I weighed myself on March 1 of this year and I was 335 lbs. My goal was to lose 100 lbs by my birthday (Nov.15). Through my daily besieging of the Lord in prayer for help, He gave me the strength to make it to this day.
Before I tell you how much I weigh today, let me add this beautiful caveat: Thanks to the generosity of so many of you along with so many more the Lord used to help the Wilson family, Peyton came home and was adopted into the Wilson family where He is loved and nurtured in the admonition of the Lord. Praise be to God that He allowed me to see His mighty provision for this family! I sincerely thank each and every one of you and know that you, too, were blessed to be used in such a way.
Well, all that to say that today I weigh 254 pounds. 81 pounds lost! Not -100, but not +100 either.
My life is changed forever.
Which leads me to ANNOUNCEMENT #2
Let me just say that I have had 2 jobs since being fired back in February. One was a part-time job at Sam's Club where I worked as a cashier. The other job is the one I currently hold, a cashier at Chick Fil A. I am very grateful to God for providing these jobs.....VERY grateful!!!
But, God has shown me something about myself in this time. I am meant to preach the Gospel! It is most assuredly a fire in my bones and it burns hotter within me every day. He has given me opportunities to preach at work and out on the streets of Knoxville, but the time I have to give is very limited now.
He has also shown me how sweet it is to minister and share the Gospel alongside of my family. I want to spend more time sharing and working with them.
So, I am announcing today a goal which is not just for me, but for my entire family. After much prayer and meditation, the Richardson's have decided to pursue missionary work in Poland.
Yes, Poland! We have a goal to share the Gospel with this unreached people group as a family.
You might be asking things like, "Why Poland?", "Is this just another whim?", "How are they going to do this exactly?" or "Does Michelle even like kielbasa?"
I'll try to briefly share some of these answers with you.
The father of the modern missionary movement, William Carey, once said when speaking about leaving to share the Gospel with the lost, "Well, I will go down, if you will hold the rope." Our family knows which side of the rope we are meant to be on. We are going down into the well where people need to hear about the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. And we know we will need people who can hold the rope for us.
You already did with my weight loss journey. I'm a new man because of that. Now, I ask that you be ready to hold the rope as we go to Poland so that we can see Jesus make all things new in the lives of people we are yet to meet.
And until the day we get there, we still have work to do and lessons to learn here. But the focus He has given us is a major answer to prayer. Like Paul longed to go to Spain, I long to go to Poland for the glory of Christ alone!
Who'da thought, huh?
Soli Deo gloria,
Jay
ANNOUNCEMENT #1
On February 28, 2011 I woke up with a clear vision of what I was supposed to do for the next 8 1/2 months of my life.
To recap, I had just been fired from my job as a senior pastor and I was still living in a town of a thousand people where my family was constantly reminded of our ignominious ending in that community. I had been down this road once before upon being forced out of another church position and being completely unemployed for 8 months. And it was a terrifying time for my family in many ways. And here I was again.
Knowing what possibly lay ahead of me, I knew that I needed to try to do something positive....SOMETHING! And since I couldn't control when I would be hired, I decided to do something about my weight. I rolled over in bed and told Michelle of my plan to lose weight. I said, "I need to do something with this time in my life and I want to help someone else, someone I don't even know." I told her of a crazy idea I had to lose weight and ask my Facebook friends to make a pledge for each pound I lost. That way, I would be held accountable to my decision.
We thought about who we could raise money for. I knew it had to be for one person, so I could have a real name and face to travel on this journey with me. Michelle told me about an organization her friend was working through to adopt an international, special-needs child, called 'Reece's Rainbow'. What was different about this was the sense of urgency that came with these kids. If they weren't adopted by a certain age a vast majority of them would be transferred to an institution where they would die within the first year. I knew this was the horizon God wanted my eyes to be focused on.
So we randomly (providentially) chose a family to help -- The Wilson Family. They love the Lord dearly and had a heart to express their love and imitation of the Gospel by adopting a little boy from Kiev they would name Peyton. The Wilson family laid everything they had before God and said that it was all His. They sold whatever they could to glorify God by bringing this child home. And the amount it would cost to adopt this boy was very high.
I knew that whatever I could raise would only be a drop in the bucket, but a drop in the bucket is better than a dry bucket. So I posted this blog the next day and was overwhelmed by the love and support that came through my screen. Many of my family and friends came through for me and I was determined to see this through.
I weighed myself on March 1 of this year and I was 335 lbs. My goal was to lose 100 lbs by my birthday (Nov.15). Through my daily besieging of the Lord in prayer for help, He gave me the strength to make it to this day.
Before I tell you how much I weigh today, let me add this beautiful caveat: Thanks to the generosity of so many of you along with so many more the Lord used to help the Wilson family, Peyton came home and was adopted into the Wilson family where He is loved and nurtured in the admonition of the Lord. Praise be to God that He allowed me to see His mighty provision for this family! I sincerely thank each and every one of you and know that you, too, were blessed to be used in such a way.
Well, all that to say that today I weigh 254 pounds. 81 pounds lost! Not -100, but not +100 either.
Which leads me to ANNOUNCEMENT #2
Let me just say that I have had 2 jobs since being fired back in February. One was a part-time job at Sam's Club where I worked as a cashier. The other job is the one I currently hold, a cashier at Chick Fil A. I am very grateful to God for providing these jobs.....VERY grateful!!!
But, God has shown me something about myself in this time. I am meant to preach the Gospel! It is most assuredly a fire in my bones and it burns hotter within me every day. He has given me opportunities to preach at work and out on the streets of Knoxville, but the time I have to give is very limited now.
He has also shown me how sweet it is to minister and share the Gospel alongside of my family. I want to spend more time sharing and working with them.
So, I am announcing today a goal which is not just for me, but for my entire family. After much prayer and meditation, the Richardson's have decided to pursue missionary work in Poland.
Yes, Poland! We have a goal to share the Gospel with this unreached people group as a family.
You might be asking things like, "Why Poland?", "Is this just another whim?", "How are they going to do this exactly?" or "Does Michelle even like kielbasa?"
I'll try to briefly share some of these answers with you.
- Why Poland? I have been there twice on mission trips and found that I was ministering in my sweet spot. I love working with people who have little or no knowledge of the Gospel. It is how I came to know Christ. We also have friends who are currently serving as missionaries in Poland and have a couple of contacts already there. But the main reason is that Jesus deserves their worship too!
- Is this just another whim? Back in seminary, I remember being asked by a professor, "If you had all the money you ever needed, what would you do?" Instantly, I said that I would be a missionary in Poland. Upon sharing this with Michelle, she dismissed it altogether. Throughout our marriage, I have continued to mention this to her, each time receiving the same response. But when I mentioned it this time, she not only doesn't reject the idea, but even embraces it with anticipation. It has been on my heart since first going there and now seems like the right time to go.
- How are they going to do this exactly? The short answer is, "I don't know". The biblical answer is "God will provide". He has let us see His provision for us during so many times in our lives and we are confident that He is able to do exceeding abundantly for us. All we know is that our time of walking in the desert is over because He has given us a clear vision to share the good news of Jesus Christ as a family with the Polish people. We don't have to wonder what we are to do anymore. Whether it takes a few weeks or a few years to get there, our eyes are set on Poland.
- Does Michelle even like Kielbasa? Um, NO. That one was easy!
The father of the modern missionary movement, William Carey, once said when speaking about leaving to share the Gospel with the lost, "Well, I will go down, if you will hold the rope." Our family knows which side of the rope we are meant to be on. We are going down into the well where people need to hear about the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. And we know we will need people who can hold the rope for us.
You already did with my weight loss journey. I'm a new man because of that. Now, I ask that you be ready to hold the rope as we go to Poland so that we can see Jesus make all things new in the lives of people we are yet to meet.
And until the day we get there, we still have work to do and lessons to learn here. But the focus He has given us is a major answer to prayer. Like Paul longed to go to Spain, I long to go to Poland for the glory of Christ alone!
Who'da thought, huh?
Soli Deo gloria,
Jay
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Things not to say to the Sam's Club Greeter.....
1. "You're too big to do this job." Actually stated to me in a serious manner by a customer. My reply which stayed inside of my head, "Would you rather I take my big self to my couch and not work?" or "I'm sorry, all the BIG PEOPLE jobs were taken."
2. "Can you count to 3?" Another statement said in all seriousness to belittle my ability to perform basic tasks, thereby making them feel superior. My reply which stayed inside of my head, "No, but I can count to 2. Smile at me and I'll prove it by counting both of your teeth."
3. "This is a woman's job, what are YOU doing here?" My reply which stayed inside of my head, "Well, I'm not shopping like YOU are, am I?" or "Can a woman do this.....Pow!.....Bang!.....Smash!.....Zonk!......Boom!" (for all of you old Batman TV show fans).
4. Just randomly waving your ticket, while on your cell phone and not even looking at me. This one happens a lot. What I want to do but don't.....Put on some sunglasses and sway like Stevie Wonder until you notice that I'm not looking at you either.
OK, my venting is almost complete!
Please remember that people are made in the image of God and that God deserves you to respect His image because of who He is. And until then, I'll try to keep biting my tongue, because the people who say and do these rude things carry His image too.
Meekness=strength under control. Lord help us to be meek.
2. "Can you count to 3?" Another statement said in all seriousness to belittle my ability to perform basic tasks, thereby making them feel superior. My reply which stayed inside of my head, "No, but I can count to 2. Smile at me and I'll prove it by counting both of your teeth."
3. "This is a woman's job, what are YOU doing here?" My reply which stayed inside of my head, "Well, I'm not shopping like YOU are, am I?" or "Can a woman do this.....Pow!.....Bang!.....Smash!.....Zonk!......Boom!" (for all of you old Batman TV show fans).
4. Just randomly waving your ticket, while on your cell phone and not even looking at me. This one happens a lot. What I want to do but don't.....Put on some sunglasses and sway like Stevie Wonder until you notice that I'm not looking at you either.
OK, my venting is almost complete!
Please remember that people are made in the image of God and that God deserves you to respect His image because of who He is. And until then, I'll try to keep biting my tongue, because the people who say and do these rude things carry His image too.
Meekness=strength under control. Lord help us to be meek.
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